Holidays can be tough to navigate, mainly because we are around our loved ones. We come together only a few times a year and see each other's imperfections. Most people focus on how complicated the other person can be to you. But today, I'd like to focus on how difficult you are to the other person.
In my practice, I've witnessed that most family conflicts arise from wanting to change the person we love, whether it is a husband, child, or parent, into someone or something they are not. We want them to be successful, motivated, thin, straight, sober, wealthy...and the list goes on forever.
The conflict arises when we tell them how unhappy we are when we see them "failing." We focus on what is going wrong in their lives but not on what is going right. We become their judge and executioner instead of their cheerleader and advocate. We don't realize that we are projecting our unhappiness and faulty programming onto them.
Society has programmed us into believing a successful person has the perfect family, career, body, and mental health. In short, society wants us to believe in unicorns. Sorry, but they don't exist in this earthy reality.
What would happen if instead of focusing on your loved ones' imperfections, we focus on what they do right?
But you'd tell me, "what do I do with my frustration and pain from seeing them making the same mistakes over and over?
You surrender it to divine source. You say in your prayers:
"Dear mother/father God, please heal my pain. Please take my suffering away and fill me with your love and appreciation. Fill me up with the love I'm craving so I can also share it with my loved ones. So I can accept them as they are, imperfectly perfect."
And when you are full of love, tell your relatives how much you care for them. Listen without giving advice. Tell them that you'll love them no matter how many mistakes they make. Be to them what you want them to be to you. Let that be the best Christmas gift, unconditional love.
